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The maze

3rd October 2003, lunch time | Comments (2)

What do you know about mazes?

My knowledge is fairly limited: there’s the story of the maze, the Minotaur and that chap (Theseus) with the string; and there’s a famous maze in England called the Hampton Court Maze. I’m not sure if I’ve been there myself, but by all accounts it’s a tricky one.

And that’s about it.

Well, to this less than impressive knowledge base I can now add another entry: The Route From Our Front Door To The Computer Room And Back.

It’s a killer.

Before I go any further, I’m going to leave the computer, walk to the front door, turn around, and walk back. I shall time myself…

…

There. Twenty seconds for the round trip. Two right hand turns on the way out, two left hand turns on the way back. Straight lines in between. An easy stroll through porch, hall, living room, and computer room, preparatory to turning around and doing the whole thing in reverse.

So how is that when the Men That Come To Fix My Computer visit, the following happens:

Man

Rings door bell.

Dunstan

Walks to front door

Ah, hello Computer Man, come on in.

Man

Thank you.

Dunstan

Leads the way to the computer room.

10 seconds later we arrive.

Here is the computer. It is broken.

Man

Fixes computer

All done. I’ll be off now then.

Glances worriedly around room, finally spots the only door.

Um, is it this way out?

Dunstan

Yes, that’s right.

Man

Walks out the door, is confronted by living room, with only one other exit

Walks hesitantly towards this door, glancing at me

Dunstan

Gives an encouraging nod.

We

Emerge into the hall.

Man

Oh, I seem to be a little lost. Is it this door?

Dunstan

No, in fact that’s the toilet. You want the door you came in through 20 minutes ago.

Man

Oh yes.

Turns left into the kitchen.

Oh, er…

Dunstan

Try again.

Man

Turns right into dinning room

Dunstan

So close. Try again.

Man

Turns around and walks into the living room.

Dunstan

Runs out of patience.

Right, well enough of this. You want this door here… and there’s the outside world for you. Goodbye.

Man

The light! The air!

Kneels on floor and raises hands to the sky.

Thank you God!

Elapsed time = 4 minutes.
Number of times Man got lost = 5.

It’s remarkable.

I now see three options open to me:

1. Next time a Computer Man visits I should tie a piece of string to the front door for him, a la Theseus;
2. I could usurp the Hampton Court people and open our house to the public; or
3. I can continue to scare and confuse the Computer Men.

Hmmm… decisions, decisions…

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