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A quick note to the man standing beside me in the queue for the toilets last Saturday

1st June 2004, mid-afternoon | Comments (33)

Sir,

I met you only briefly last weekend, but in that short time I ascertained that you are a dedicated follower of the mantra ‘prepare early’. There is no doubt that such a philosophy has its place in many aspects of life; any good tennis coach, for instance, will encourage his or her charges to “get the racquet back early and prepare”; and Domestic Goddess Nigella Lawson is always speaking of the need to prep things ahead of time. It’s common sense, and I applaud you for your dedication to this way of thinking.

However, all ideals have their social boundaries beyond which they lose credibility, and you, Sir, had the misfortune to stumble over such a boundary last Saturday at a winery in Napa Valley, California.

To what do I refer? Well, I am not a tennis coach, nor am I a domestic goddess, but I am a man, and as such I feel qualified to tell you that it’s considered bad form to have your penis out and ready while waiting in line to use the urinals — especially when the wait exceeds five minutes.

You might argue that if everyone prepared in this manner it would help hurry things along, and the queue would be a shorter one, but sometimes social niceties overrule common sense, and this is one such occasion.

Put it away, Sir.

Thank you.

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Comments (33)

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  1. Keith:

    Ewwww.

    Posted 11 minutes after the fact
    Inspired: ↓ Scott Johnson, ↓ Daniel
  2. Scott Johnson:

    Yeah. What Keith said.

    Posted 1 hour, 41 minutes after the fact
    Inspired by: ↑ Keith
  3. Jack:

    Umm wow. The scary part is wondering what will happen if his bladder doesn't hold.

    Posted 2 hours, 17 minutes after the fact
  4. Daniel:

    haha, double ewww. that's pretty haggard.

    Posted 2 hours, 20 minutes after the fact
    Inspired by: ↑ Keith
  5. Brian Behrend:

    Your move to California has certainly been filled with oddities and hilarity. I hope your life is as entertaining to you as it is to me.

    Posted 3 hours, 6 minutes after the fact
  6. Ethan:

    Well. I just threw up on my shoes.

    Thanks for that, Dunstan.

    Posted 3 hours, 27 minutes after the fact
  7. Rahul:

    Hot!

    Posted 5 hours, 15 minutes after the fact
    Inspired: ↓ Web
  8. Alex:

    Haha! This may be gross but it really made me laugh.

    Posted 6 hours, 35 minutes after the fact
  9. Ms. Jen:

    Maybe he was doing a wee bit of pre-pickup advertising?

    Posted 7 hours, 14 minutes after the fact
  10. D1rge:

    Who makes up these liberty sapping rules anyway?

    If I want to air my tool before I leak shouldn't there be somewhere I can go?

    And where better than the sanctity of a public urinal?

    Posted 9 hours, 53 minutes after the fact
  11. Sam Newman:

    Excellent :-) In a similar vein, McSweeney's Open letters to people or entities who are unlikely to respond: http://www.mcsweeneys.net/li...

    "An Open Letter To My Roomate" is especially good (http://www.mcsweeneys.net/li...)

    Posted 10 hours, 29 minutes after the fact
  12. David Barrett:

    You need to always carry a Zippo lighter. He'll think twice about having his penis hanging out after you've set fire to his pubes.

    Posted 12 hours, 45 minutes after the fact
  13. Web:

    “Hot!”™

    Rahul I am charging you a license fee of .02 cents for the use of the word “Hot!”™ Although I may waive the fee because you didn't know it was trademarked. Thank you for your future anticipated cooperation.

    Posted 13 hours, 8 minutes after the fact
    Inspired by: ↑ Rahul
  14. Mark Wubben:

    You saved my day man! Another great laugh :D

    Posted 13 hours, 14 minutes after the fact
  15. Faruk Ates:

    LOL! That's so funny, and so disgusting on that guy's part. Man...

    I can imagine someone taking out a GBA SP and playing Final Fantasy: Tactics Advance while waiting in line (and perhaps even continuing with the game while peeing? o_O) but taking the willy out in preparation? Yuck...

    (no, I did not ever do the FF:TA thing myself :P)

    Posted 16 hours, 12 minutes after the fact
    Inspired: ↓ Rahul
  16. Jough:

    Good thing he didn't try to shake your hand.

    Posted 17 hours, 41 minutes after the fact
  17. Hans:

    You're alive! The master lives! Hooray!
    Dunstan, you seem to get into the oddest of situations...

    Posted 19 hours, 5 minutes after the fact
  18. Thomas:

    Be grateful that he just wanted to pee.

    Posted 20 hours, 52 minutes after the fact
  19. Rahul:

    Faruk!? From GameSen?! What are you doing here?!

    Posted 21 hours, 58 minutes after the fact
    Inspired by: ↑ Faruk Ates
    Inspired: ↓ Faruk Ates (from GameSen ;)
  20. Faruk Ates (from GameSen ;):

    Rahul:

    Yes, the one and only, right here! :)

    I guess you didn't know that the reason I started doing less and less for GameSen was caused by the fact that I was doing more and more work for my job as webdeveloper and -programmer! :)

    I work for a small webhost, and out of personal interest I'm a MAJOR css- and Standards-fanatic, and therefore I read various blogs on CSS and the like. 1976design.com is one of them :)

    Funny to encounter someone from GameSen here ^_^

    It's a small world, online... ^_^

    Posted 22 hours, 18 minutes after the fact
    Inspired by: ↑ Rahul
  21. Sian:

    Dear me. I'm speechless (for once).

    Posted 23 hours, 4 minutes after the fact
  22. Matt:

    It was because of you, Dustin. You and your gaynip :)

    Posted 1 day, 14 hours after the fact
  23. Chad:

    So no one said anything to this guy, something as short as "Hey, put your damn tool away"???

    Posted 1 day, 14 hours after the fact
    Inspired: ↓ Scott Johnson, ↓ Ryan Brill
  24. Scott Johnson:

    It should have been said. But I bet many were too embarrassed to say anything.

    Posted 1 day, 15 hours after the fact
    Inspired by: ↑ Chad
  25. Allen:

    I commend his courage but I condemn his disregard for any measure of acceptable social code-of-conduct. Just the same way I commend your hilarious post but I condemn you for letting me read the post while I was eating.

    I'm glad you're back :p

    Posted 1 day, 18 hours after the fact
  26. Ryan Brill:

    "So no one said anything to this guy, something as short as 'Hey, put your damn tool away'???"

    Lol... Yep, sometimes there are certain things that just need to be said. ;)

    Posted 2 days, 3 hours after the fact
    Inspired by: ↑ Chad
  27. Chuckg:

    Wine has that affect on overbearing Californians.

    Posted 2 days, 19 hours after the fact
  28. Karl:

    I had a similar experience at Heathrow Airport a few years ago. I had just parked the car in the short stay. I was just getting my brothers suitcases out when this Indian lady(?) crouched down and relieved herself in the carpark 3 feet away from me and the river ran towards my car!

    I have never seen such a disgusting thing in my life.

    Karl

    Posted 3 days, 7 hours after the fact
  29. Mike:

    Yea, down here in socal we call that a 'dickout'. Usually reserved as punishment for failure to drive your golf ball past the ladies tees, I fail to see how it applys here. Gotta love nocal. Anyways, like your blog and welcome to Calle.

    Posted 4 days, 5 hours after the fact
  30. Sarah:

    Weather must be warmer where you are then (couldn't think past the mental image to write something other than about the weather. Sorry)

    Posted 5 days, 19 hours after the fact
  31. Kneeko:

    Wait, was he *inside* the bathroom at the time... or out in the hallway. Does it make a difference? Yes, somehow. Why do I need a mental picture of this?

    Posted 6 days, 21 hours after the fact
  32. Joe:

    *Laughing Hysterically* Oh WOW! No way that happened. When I started reading your post I had no idea it was going to turn out like that. I'm sorry you had to witness that but I'm so glad you wrote about it - and so eloquently to. Too funny.

    Posted 3 weeks, 6 days after the fact
  33. Ashley:

    I don't know how I came upon your site, but I did, and I read this entry...I don't know whether to laugh or to cry. All I have to say is SICK.

    Posted 1 month, 4 weeks after the fact

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